. AGAIN.  A song.  By Ross Lombardi . I feel the pain Shuffling under my skin I want to know Were you end and I begin . And I know  This is so Pathetic that I can't win I feel the death  Of a good part of me inside . . Shuffling Shuffling Shuffling under my skin . Shuffling Shuffling Shuffling under my skin . Shuffling Shuffling Shuffling under my skin . . I feel the need  Creeping in my heart again I want to know And end to this beating pain . And I know This is so Creepy of me again . I feel the pain  Shuffling under my skin . . Creeping Creeping Creeping in my heart . Creeping Creeping Creeping in my heart . Creeping Creeping Creeping in my heart . . Feel the want Of hearing your voice again I want to smell The taste of your hair again . And I know This is so SO - Wrong of me to feel . I feel the need. Creeping in my heart again . . Hearing Hearing Hearing your voice again . Hearing Hearing Hearing your voice again . Hearing Hearing Hearing your voice again . . I feel the death 

! The Animus and the Yang. By Ross E F Lombardi . (a straight man) . I am a straight man who has a problem with all other straight men. I am not a bigot as such, Or maybe I am, I am not totally sure… …But there is definitely a bias against us all. We are a needed poison but never the cure. . If someone calls me a “Good Man” It feels like an oxymoron. The male energy is a slaughtering weapon, A bloody knife. Or Gun, The male energy is just yet another murdered wife. . If they call me “Good” It feels like an impossible lie! The male energy or Yang is only a hot white flame, A bright shining darkness in me that makes me sad. A burning destruction, And nothing but bad. . Every straight man here has dreamt and is dreaming even as I speak. Of harming another. -….And I as stand here reporting this, - Probably of harming me. Every straight man here not only knows what I say is true. But is eager to prove it. Because that is what we are. Harming others is what we do. . If they call me a “Man” I

. Spammed This Ad on someone else paid space. (as I often do) The WORST bit is I committed a gross misogynistic moral crime against an ex. And this 'person' is focused instead on how impropriate leaping on the back of her paid Ad is?! . I may be a horrible person but at least I own it. . Amanda Heath's values on the other hand are just totally fucked up! . So much for "Sisterhood" !! . . . . .

. Title: "Young Woman With Glass Of Wine" . Size A3 . First created - Back When I was in my 20s. This old picture of mine was once something very special to me. Now it is just another product to sell. - To anyone with 20 pounds (plus 5 pounds post and packing) (NOTE: Physical purchase does not include digital reproduction rights.) The picture is of my now ex-wife back when she was Susan Chapman (now Susan Lombardi). She posed for it before we were married. . I openly admit that this is an act of childish spite. - and I simply feel far too crushed and utterly defeated to care. . "Sometimes you fight the darkness…" <shrug> “…Sometimes the darkness wins…” "…Sometimes you let the darkness win…." “…And sometimes you give the darkness a big hug and welcome it as an old friend”. . . I crossed a line today . To destroy a part of me that was once "good" . And I'm feeling surprisingly ok about it. . .

. Dumb human logic . Person A: "I like men because they make me feel safe and protected" . Me: "Safe and protected from what?" "Exactly?" . Person A: "Harm....!" . Me: "Like what?" . Person A "I dunno...!" . Me: "You mean other men...?" . Person A "Kinda - ish...." . Me: "So the harm you want to feel 'protected and safe' from is largely from other male-type perceived threats?!" . Person A: "Errrrrr????" . ME: "But you should not have to live in a world where you ever need to feel 'Safe and Protected'!" "That should just be a given!" .

! I DO NOT BELONG ANYWHERE! ! NEVER HAVE! ! I SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE FEELING "LOST" AND "HOMESICK" ! !

. The very people who say "people don't want to work anymore" Are creating the types of work environments that "stop people from wanting to work anymore" . The people complaining about the lack of workers complain, While writing their own self-filling prophecy. - In short - Too many "bosses" are fucking idiots! - Worker loyalty is actually surprisingly cheap. - Just, Don't be a dick! .

Note to self: So, you "can not be loved"! ... Boo hoo!  World's smallest violin you fucking wuss. Get over it! There are people that need helping out there. And no one else is as disposable as you are,  So they can not help them and do what needs to be done, the way you can! Others have things to loose! While You don't! Turn your weakness of 'disposability', into a strength to help others that need it! Suck it up princess and get your head out your own arse. Having less to loose, than others, can be used to give you the edge and the power for doing some good! Pick yourself up. Get some sleep. And get tomorrow, Get busy!

. Re:  Beacon lounge Vs "others' . Ok This will probably bite me in the arse. But I chose to exercise some due diligence and look at the otherside  To be clear... I have no way of knowing who's right, wrong, lying, half lying or truthful. Deposits, mess, number of guest ect is all just between them. My only interest was if threats were made and thugs were involved. I hate people who intimidate of threaten others. It makes me irrationality angry. So I checked And the bit I was concerned with had a different side to the story, which truth, lies or somewhere in-between should be heard out of fairness to all on both sides. So here are some quotes from the side accused of scary unpleasantness.  . "Unfortunately, when the doors were opened to the public, a young group came in to my room and began to fight and swear at one another. When I politely asked a member of staff to ask them to leave, they did and I thanked them." . "I can say, with certainty (and for anyon

 . Letting go of a weight and having a balloon lift you up almost effortlessly and endlessly?!  -  is just plain silly! ! Letting go of a weight and having a balloon lift you up almost effortlessly and endlessly?! That Sounds like an interesting way to get yourself killed! Is the balloon string tied to your hand? If not, then what happens if your fingers get tired? How high will it take you? How will you survive the freezing temperatures and thinning atmosphere? What about aircraft? What about supplies like food and water? ! I know the above is meant to be fugitive rather than literal, But then again so are my questions upon closer inspection. - In short - Your past keeps you grounded for a reason! - It stops arrogance, selfishness, myopic thinking, and self-entitlement! - It keeps you humble and reminds you of your humanity and that in turn expands your empathy for all other fellow humans. ! While It is true that you should not let your past control or define you, To ignore how it inf

. Id never thought I'd ever feel this way But after allot of brooding I finally 'got there'. . I now Hate my ex-wife Susan Lombardi. . She is now the only woman in the entire world  That I would point blank refuse to help if I saw her being attacked and assaulted . I would not even phone for help Id just walk away smirking instead And I doubt I would feel even a single grain of remorse for my callous choice of inaction I might even giggle a tiny bit . I know this makes me "evil" But (shrug) I never claimed to be anything else .

. Sometimes I beat myself up. . I think "What are you doing Ross?" "Your 51 and divorced" "In a strange town the other side of the country" "Out dancing alone" "When any non-loser would be curled up watching box sets on a couch, with someone who loves them" "In a mortgaged home" "With thier kids playing upstairs" "What the hell is wrong with you!?" "You silly idiot tool!" . Then I remember some key facts. . I was not unfaithful I pretty much accepted the sexless marriage she enforced, even though it hurt. I was not a scary man I tried to keep things going I did not stop loving my wife I did not leave my wife I did Not make this choice! IT WAS MADE FOR ME! BY HER! . The things I DID choose. I chose to leave when she asked me to. I chose to give her the house, for the kids sake. I chose to not stay in my little rented flat and wait to die of old age. I chose the scrape up what was left of my persona