. I'm really trying to eat far less meat to do stop me being complicit in animal suffering. But I'm also badly depressed and I know a binge on red meat is one of the few things that helps. I don't know if there is a proper medical reason or if it is just in my head, but a red meat binge makes me less "self-destructive" when the depression starts bordering on being "personally dangerous". . So I'm ethically torn and emotionally struggling. . All I ever really wanted in life is to not be a bad person. To somehow exercise this poisonous "bloke" part of me, out of my soul, that loves to hurt others. A life that does no harm to either fellow human or animal. TO NOT BE MY VIOLENT GENETIC FATHER. . But violence helps. Hurting others feels good. Action films are fun. Red bloody rare meat lifts my mood. Porn and wanking is calming and soothing. It seems every fiber of my "bloke being" is just evil and bad and wrong and should not exist . ...

. Title: "...but why! . . though?" . Size A3 ISH Oil pastels on paper. . But why is suicide so wrong, though? People keep saying it is wrong. But they aren't the ones suffering. . They don't get the nightmares. . They don't get the despair so tangible that it becomes physically tight and painful in your chest. . They do not have to face the dread of waking. Or face the broken hope of not waking up, each day. . We can not hold a job. We just drain scarce NHS resources. There are days we can only just barely function. This condition makes me useless to society. . It is our pain, Pain I carried for decades. If you can't comprehend this agony, then who are you to judge what's right for me?! You self righteous dick heads!! . So apart from some outdated religious crap. Why is suicide seen as so wrong!? . Yeh, you may claim "it's wrong". ...but why! . . though? . . Note Yes I know this art and it's posting will be banned almost everywhere off al...

. Ok I'm just gonna outright say it. Some Crawford and Black, Works, art materials are ok. Some are even great value for money. But their oil pastels? Their oil pastels are horrendous! I know I might be spoiled by using Caran D'Ache Neo Oil Pastels? Or maybe the Works, Crawford and Black oil pastels Are really as crap as they seem to be! Seriously! They are more like mislabeled crayons! Than like oil pastels! They have no 'carry' no 'spread' and won't 'smudge' for crap! In my humble opinion, They are a truly terrible art product! .

Yes, I do make violent images. But mass media in general make far worse images than I do! SO MUCH WORSE – and people just shrug and do not think twice about it! The reasons my images are more disturbing than theirs, Is Not because they are graphically worse! It is instead because of the context I often choose to use. . Violence is wrong. That simple. My images concentrate on the faces of victims and emotional consequences. Instead of social machines propaganda heroic figures, posing over the remains of their defeated enemies. My images are only more disturbing to some because I do not glamorise violence, I don’t support the mass media “Violence is fun” narrative. I don’t toe the line that supports war, and weapons manufacturing and male macho crap. Most of my pictures show the pain, and how wrong violence is! And THAT is what makes some people so, Very uncomfortable! . Violence? There will always be an excuse! Never a real reason! .

. My biggest criticism of feminism...is.... . . Ok.... I say this Very tentativly... As you really won't like it... But only because you asked... (Deep breath) . Too many feminist factions, - From the - Pro-female-porn-director lipstick types at one extreme. - to the - burn all the male-born alive at birth, the other extreme. - and the thousands of shades in-between... . You Waste far too much time loathing and fighting each other. Instead of concentrating on what they have in common and working the best they can on the few areas they might all agree on. . You need to agree-to-disagree like adults far More, And infighting and preaching over "who's feminism is best" far Less. . It is counterproductive. You are never going to convince each other, Never, Not gonna happen, So just concentrate on what you can agree on instead. . There, I said It... ...but only because you asked... .

. I-H8. By Ross e f Lombardi. . Sometimes I lay back in bed quietly resting. Listening to the seagulls and the soft drone of the traffic. . And I wish to myself... I Do hope my ex wife is unhappy. I Do so hope she is miserable. . As each for ounce of happiness she may ever have. Is just another reason to spit hate at the face of god. . I condemn my immortal soul to eternal damnation. Because I hate and blame god for any joy she may ever have. . Sometimes I lay back in bed just quietly hating the lord. Dreaming to the seagulls and the soft moan of the road outside. Just wishing pain upon Susan Chapman of Redcar. . See you all in hell. . .

. I'm supposed to pick up my art from the 2b artspace, Hill Street Centre, Middlesbrough... ...and "I don't wannah..." Like a child not wanting to go to school... ...or a teacher not wanting to slog out to school.... ...or a headmaster who also hates his school... "I don't wannah go to 2b!" My stuff was selling for only £10 each and nothing sold. I'm kinda half hoping they'd throw it all in the bin as no one values them. But 'no' apparently I have to go in myself and hang around, "yuck" , other humans on public transport and stuff. And me and other humans don't mix well. Other humans are icky. . Some people have worked SO dam hard to push me out of the local public arts scene (cough, tees-cough, cough-valley, cough-arts-cough, cough,) And it seems that anyone putting THAT much effort in, using a mix of rumours, undue influence, and outright disenfranchisement SHOULD have THAT much effort fairly rewarded! . To be fair... I h...

. Here is a true story. Please set aside any gender bias or gender war nonsense temporarily aside, just for a short while. I'll try to tell is using gender neutral pronouns to help you out . THIS Is where the worst moment of my life happened. . THIS. Is where everything changed. . Despite violence and other horrendous things, THIS is where I received the most damage, the most pain. . THIS is where I was nearly totally destroyed and forever defeated. . It's a corner just outside Locke Park. Opposite a corner garage, in a town called Redcar. . THIS is where IT happened one summer. . Where my partner of 30 years of memories and two children casually said mid-conversation. . "Yeh know," "We don't need to love each other," "We can stay together for the companionship," . I didn't react at the time. I just acted on automatic and got through the day in a numb, unreal state . The pain came wave after wave later. It physically hurt. It hurt far more...