. I'm not scared of dying. . I'm not scared of failing. That's just easy 'old hat' now. . I'm not scared of growing old and dying alone, it sucks but I am coming to terms with that fate. . I'm not scared of going to hell. Because god is an evil unjust entity that can go and fuck himself. . I'm not scared of loneliness. Because thats how things should be. It's the natural order of things. . But one thing DOES scare me. . But what truly terrifies me, what scares me the most, that keeps me up at night is... ... What if no matter how hard I try? No matter how hard I am on myself? How strict? How ruthless I am to myself?... ...What if? I can never really become good person? .

. …A little wisdom for you. . The People You Push Away Those You Alienate Those who You Reject – FIRST – Before they can reject you… CAN NOT HURT YOU ANYMORE! . You pain is Not caused by Loneliness! It is caused by the weakness of emotionally needing others. BE STONGER THAN THAT! . No need = No pain . Loneliness is NOT a curse! Loneliness is a Shield! Do not resist Loneliness Do not fight Loneliness Absorb the Loneliness. - Meld into the Loneliness! - BE the Loneliness! Make it, not just, a part of You. Make Loneliness the real “You”! . MAKE “IT” - WHO “YOU” ARE! And never feel that pain again . .

I was at a bar, artistic event thing earlier this week. Talking to a pretty woman about 'stoof'. (The fact she was pretty IS Relevant: because unfortunately, being a weak human, I probably would not have been as affected by her advice if my attention was not as engaged. Being a feeble minded mere human sucks.) Anyway. I have heard allot of past advice about "my ex", or rather "my feelings about being dumped" that has been trite nonsense. "Forgive her" blah, blah style puke. . But This pretty total stranger, said something brand new. She said. "Maybe you still hate your ex," "Because it's a way of still keeping a part of her" - ouch! . For a brief second I was angry at this pretty stranger because she said something true. So, yes, -'OUCH!' . Then, to double down the universe made my taxi back to the hotel take extra long to turn up on a cold wet night, So I had to think about that insight. . This insight wasn't ab...

Inappropriate sexting of women IS wrong... But... ...But I reckon I can do it better... I'm so sick of the basic inappropriate sexting crap men sending women. How immature and gross they are. Even though I strongly disagree with the premise moraly. As a writer I feel so much more could be done. Id never send such a thing to some strange woman as a message BUT I might as an exercise,  See if I can write a genuinely good one. .. ...and then post it publicly. Just as a example of what a difference a bit of creativie skill  can make. Pretty much just to make all those other such "men" feel as stupid as they look.  Attempt 1 "I could reflect your sexuality in the silvered pool of my masculinity so intensely, That it will leave you feeling more in tune with the core of your own body than you ever thought possible." Ok  A bit too 'mills n boon' but it's a start. Attempt 2 "We could have a conversation without words. Using shared sighs that only our bod...

. ONLY Men who are terrible in bed want an inexperienced partner. . Men who are not just merely good in bed, that have mad skills, that only a fellow sex artistan would appreciate. Don't want to waste their time with anyone less. . So if a man wants a low body count partner? What does that tell you about him? . If I was getting open heart surgery. I would not want some first year, first ever biology 101 class attending student, up to elbows in there, not really knowing what they are doing Id want the exact opposite in terms of experience. Id want the most experienced senior heart surgeon available. With thousands of theater hours under their belt . And at my age, If trying to find love again? Of being saved emotionally? And trusting my figutive heart the same way in the hands of some woman I was dating. The exact same applies. . Short version I also care about body count and past partner experiance to. Just in a very, Very, VERY different way! .

. Susan Did I really ask too much ? . Just to 'be there'. It was not too much to ask! Was it? Sure read your book, or play with your phone or type on your keyboard, but to do it in the same room as me. To both take turns making tea and coffee for us both. Exchange affectionate looks, and warm smiles every so often. Hold my hand or stroke my shoulder as we pass. Still do your own thing. But to do it in the same room as me and acknowledge my presence as a nice and pleasant thing as we share that space. Make me know that you are happy to have me in your life. Would just doing this, really have been so hard? To Let me feel quietly wanted, accepted and loved. . I never wanted my ex to be a sex goddess I never expected her to look young forever, I didnt want much, Just for her to like spending time with me. . To stay in love with me. . Not make me feel I was an over-imposing house guest that had uncomfotavly overstayed my welcome for over a decade. It hurts that I wanted so little b...

Wrong or right NEVER BACK DOWN!  Choose to die instead! Take the beating  File a police report with photos  Refuse any medical treatment Hope never to wake up from your injuries So, your attackers life gets real shit really quickly Even if they are not prosicuted They will either destory themselves with over what has happend  OR even better  Find is much easier to harm and be even more brutal to the next victim I'd rather be a murder victim than an coward  "Suicide via Thug"

  DATEING 2020 Onwards. . I'm just gonna dare say it. Men suck Women suck Humanity sucks Humans suck. Modern dating, all-round for everyone sucks. . I used to think, "No one can want me." "I have so little." "Poor skint, no prospect, no future me." But... Looking at the absolute filth that is the lack of human enrichment, of the dating pool, for both men and women?! . I am Now glad I am ugly with no money. Because being used for your money and looks so calously is horrendous. . I understand that there should be some initial physical attraction. And while I do understand financial security matters. - But We aren't talking basic, stress to make the mortgage payments or rent stress on a relationship, causing a breakup here! . Nope.... We are talking, "Use," "Or be Used..." . Both men and women both seem to be negotiating a medieval contract or business merger from the outset. . There's no, "I want a partner that......