. Non-secular monk? Should I consider the lifestyle of a non-secular gnostic monk? . I already eat mostly beans, brown rice and lentils - unless I'm cooking for others. I already don't eat much meat, so going full vegetarian might be fairly easy. I already spend a lot of time alone. I already barely touch alcohol. I already read a lot and do a lot of meditative calisthenic-style exercises. I already have a deep interest in helping both the community and the world. I already see anger and rage as bad things and care passionately about promoting world peace and universal acceptance. I already have a growing hatred of money and wealth and how it owns both me and how it corrupts this world, and all it touches. I already have a disdain for ego and boastful pride in both myself and others. And I already have a strong sense of right and wrong (compared to most adults who seem to have lost that same sense of righteousness that they had at under 18. - Life seems to have beaten it out of...

. There was a time, I thought, that I might, once have known… This poem is probably By Ross E F Lombardi . Round and round again we go, Where it stops No one knows . I knew a public relations specialist who spin-doctored They bragged, - How good they were at spin But how can I believe them? When they spin to me, - About how good at spin-doctoring they are? . Round and round again we go, Where it stops No one knows . I knew an advertising executive who sold things They bragged about how good they were at selling ideas, But how can I have faith in them? When they are selling me an idea, - About how good they are at selling ideas? . Round and round again they post, Where this stuff sells No one knows . I knew a corrupt politician who manipulated. They boasted about how good they were at manipulating But how can I vote for them? When they manipulate me into believing - What excellent manipulators they are? . Round and round again we elect, Another mere crap opportunist, Not worthy of respe...

Horrible moments of male clarity. By Ross e f Lombardi. . Unfortunately for me, Despite being a 52-year-old male, I have a high sex drive, And being single, this leads to porn. . And while porn serves a purpose, It relieves built-up tension, Very much like the relief you get after blowing your nose, Or letting out a fart that was making you uncomfortable. Gross and messy but also necessary for basic self-management and self-maintenance. I hate that moment of after cum clarity. . That moment when I, then, remember. That despite the dating apps, Despite the effort of getting thinner. That despite going out and trying to be in this world, . That coldly, realistically, statistically, Not just because I'm financially barren, Not just because of how weird I look physically, But because also of how disfigured I am on the inside, How broken,  How scared and damaged in mind and soul, How ugly I am as a person, full of rage, humiliation and failure,  . That This! This! Is all I will eve...

. Horrible moments of male clarity. By Ross e f Lombardi. . Unfortunately for me, Despite being a 52-year-old male, I have a high sex drive, And being single, this leads to porn. . And while porn serves a purpose, It relieves built-up tension, Very much like the relief you get after blowing your nose, Or letting out a fart that was making you uncomfortable. Gross and messy but also necessary for basic self-management and self-maintenance. I hate that moment of after cum clarity. . That moment when I, then, remember. That despite the dating apps, Despite the effort of getting thinner. That despite going out and trying to be in this world, . That coldly, realistically, statistically, Not just because I'm financially barren, Not just because of how weird I look physically, But because also of how disfigured I am on the inside, How broken, How scared and damaged in mind and soul, How ugly I am as a person, full of rage, humiliation and failure, . That This! This! Is all I will ever hav...

What others call "self-loathing" I call instead "moral self-discipline".   It stops the excuses, the delusions, the self-licensing, and guards against narsasim. I'd take what you call "self-loathing" a hundred times over the slightest risk of ever accidentally becoming like either my wife beating dad or like certain other men we all know about. (My genetic dad: Not My namesake Mr Lombardi who is technically my stepdad and who is a good man.) Letting go of that protection seems as stupid, to me, as not wearing a seatbelt on a motorway. Yes, a crash might be unlikely,  But I would not risk it anyway! I'd rather feed myself slowly into a slow-moving rusty wood chipper than become my evil genetic father! So, I am not risking it. I'd rather be unhappy than become a danger to others.

THE MASKED.- My own bullshit exposed! I often say how much I hate macho toxic culture. Then stupidly do or say something toxicly bullshit macho - sometimes in the same bloody sentence. But I AM trying to be better than that. This is hard to write but if I really want a 'safer for women' and less 'toxic male' world. Then I have to bury my pride, lose the ego and make it start with me. So as part of my commitment to. "Ruthlessly and brutally kicking the crap out of myself in public when I fall below my own standards" Let's compare the macho masquerade to the 'beatle on its back' reality. Part 1: The bullshit disguise: I refuse to talk to or be in the same room as my ex Ever again. Even if that means missing the weddings of my children and the christenings of my grandchildren. She will never be forgiven. I will make my final words on my deathbed cursing her name. And if I die before she does - keep her the hell away from my funeral!! Part 2: The har...

. The tiniest win.   By Ross E F Lombardi. . ...And the nasty unpleasant inner voice behind my own eyes whispers in a spiteful tone, "...what have you done today...?" "Did you help anyone?" "Did you make anyone smile?" "Did you change the world?" "Did you waste yet another day of your stupid worthless existence?" "WHAT HAVE YOU ACHIEVED TODAY ROSS?" . All I can do is shrug and reply, "Socks!" "I achieved socks," . .

. DEBTS By Ross Lombardi AKA Rat Lombot . I am in deep, deep debt. Every night the debt collectors call me They scream and shout “You owe Us” “Only a loser does not pay their debts!” . I did not defend my mother I did not get upset when she was attacked I only cried when one of my own toys was broken I was less than 2 years old . Every night the debt collectors call me They scream and shout “You owe Us Your love” “Only a heartless monster does not pay their debts!” . I did not stand by my friend Stephen I decided to hate him when he realized, he was gay. I was a grotesque homophobe for no reason I was 11 years old. . Every night the debt collectors call me They scream and shout “You owe Us Your empathy” “Only a rat bastard traitor does not pay their debts!” . I was out on the town, full of piss and wind, in a strange city I drank with a random cool bloke called Ricky But I just stood there and let a racist prick beat him bloody. I was 19 years old. . Every night the debt collectors cal...