. Them: "Ross, Why are do you unercharge for your art?" "Why is your stuff so cheap?" . Me: "Spite" "It is why I sell my art for stupid cheap prices now." "some of them taking days of work" "But as I cant win" "Ill try and tank the local art markets value" .

. If people look at the things I say about my ex - and mistake it for misogyny - it's not - This is not misogyny because I am a man hurt by a woman I hate the individual - Not the gender. This has nothing to do with me being 'a man' or her 'a woman' THIS level of self harming spite is my families specialty from my moms side. This is: "don't piss off a member of the fortune family" This is Not me acting like a:   "macho arse hole bloke" This is me being the child of Miss Jackie Fortune I'd be just as self destructive, Petty, and spiteful to Anyone to hurt me this much. I don't have to win Winning never matters My mums family side taught me, "loose on purpose if you must - as long as it hurts 'em as much as you can." . Me being 'like this' is a whole family trait, not a gender one! . I  am willing to die without defending myself IF it sends my attacker to prison and ruins their life. . I will hapily loose both m...

. This is a real stream of consciousness. Of me “talking myself down” in real time. As part of its brutal honesty I have not corrected any spellings or grammar in it. I choose to share it now because I feel it might help others. . In terms of certain writing sites, I have chosen the ‘Poetry Category’ Simple because that’s the nearest thing I can think of that something like this will fit into. . - . Another 4am waking up with bad dreams. . Another 4am feeling shaken and trying not to let those bad dreams make me hate my own gender to an irrational almost homicidal extent for the next few hours, . Probably not a good idea to doomscrole Facebook and see all the "men being evil" posts that confirm those dream driven prejudices. . I need to survive these moments and somehow Not become a psychopathic nut job and Not psychologicaly go down the mental health tubes. . Not rant weird shit that worries good people. . Maybe try and access some counter points of men not being monsters an...

Ten Questions By Ross e f Lombardi ? Who am I dieting for? ? Who am I exercising for? ? Who am losing weight for? ? Who am I brushing my teeth for? ? Who am I trying to look less ugly for? ? Who should I bother queuing for a medical check up, for? ? If it is not for me? Not for myself? Because I don't like 'that person'! The person I am stuck as! So then who? And Why? ?

. MEN WHO ARE JUST OLD CHILDREN. BY Ross E F Lombardi . There is nothing sader than a "notch on the bedpost" man Limping from one ego fix to to another, Like a crack addict begging for a quid . To them women are conquests, prizes, sport, trophy's, instead of human beings. Allways wanting to steal another man's toy. . No amount of fucks will ever really satisfy them. They will never really know true happiness They will always be running towards the next thing. Always getting used and always useing others. . They can say all the sweetest right words. The most beautiful poetry and have the most smouldering gaze But they will never really FEEL. . These are Not the sort of men that would stay with a terminaly ill wife till the end and find it hard to move on. . These are the sort of men that are unfaithful just because their wife's body changes a bit. . They care more about how the woman on their arm looks to their freinds and ex's Instead of how he feels about her...

. Them: "You need to..." . Me: "You can just stop your trite weak arse dime store guru shit right there!" "Because IF ‘You’ were stuck being anything like ‘Me’," “And failed as much as ‘I’ have,” "Then ‘You’ wouldn’t like ‘Your’ crappy ‘Self’ either" “So,” “Fuck Off!” .

. My ban from certain local REDCAR venue's. . There are places that I can't go. (Shrug) I'm banned from those venues. . The Tees Valley Arts Palace hub . The Gypsy Rover . The other yellow corner one on station road that I can't remember the name of at the moment. . Probably the Pig 'N Whistle (although I haven't actually checked) . And that geek store, also on station road. . If you want to know why, then ask someone there. I'm proud of my actions. I have nothing to be ashamed of. It just is - what it is. That's all. . I back down for nobody. Not to a thug wielding a metal weapon, not to the crown (I am not patriotic) not to god wielding hell, and not to a thug wielding access to their venue. . Sure it hurts. But all anger helps keep the dangerous depression at bay. . Anger is the all natural, less side effects, self meditation that keeps me alive. Without any pain to keep me going, I'd be dead. . Without the pain I'd have nothing to paint wit...

. "I would never date an ex-porn star" he says, . Well Before I was married I was a unpleasant person who enjoyed hurting people Now I try to refuse to harm anyone My past self now disgusts me People have pasts People change Life is short You are far from perfect yourself So, If you fall in love with someone and you find out they were once a sex worker Or a were once a brutal gangland thug Man-up or woman-up - and Get over it . Ok Maybe NOT if they were once a USA ICE Agent Because some shit is still fucking unforgivable! .

Is no one interested in the personality inside anymore? Age, up, down or sideways is not an entire adult person. Their past, good, bad or dull, - porn star, nun or accountant, Is Not an entire person. “Looks” Are not an entire person. - No matter “hot” someone at first is… …After the first three months you kinda stop noticing as much and the important things like shared values, interest and matching energies take over. …After the first three years you can start adding shared memories to that mix. …Eventually the amount quality time spent together should be all the ‘make up’ you should ever need! And at that point your love for each other should make you both seem “hot” to one another instead.

. Misandry Vs Misogyny . Misandry, is my mum …being forever wary of men as she tries to move on and while looking after a traumatised child. . While Misogyny is what caused my mum to have horrible things happen to her …in front of her child. . . The “Patriarchy” is simply trying to keep men and woman in love . Men in love with violence And Women in love with violent men . From films of mighty costumed heroes beating down a ‘bad guy’ made for kids To “heroic imagery” on a romantic book cover aimed at lonely women Because war and reconstruction make money Peace does not The “Patriarchy” is designed to control the whole human race The “Patriarchy” is a business model . “Dance little puppets!” “Dance!” “Fight for me” “Hate for me” “Kill for me” “Die for me” “Make me powerful” “Make me rich” .

. I can make some truly amazing dishes I can make stuff that could make some restaurants weep. From the most basic of ingredients. . BUT Despite my ability to easily do THAT Sometimes All I want It a large bowl of cheap white spaghetti Covered on loads of melted salted butter. . No skill No knowledge needed (but Never the ‘easy cook’ crap – there are still some standards) . . If there is one thing I learned from having a sexless marriage... (But you love her too much to ever be unfaithful) - When you can’t get a romantic hug in real life You can always get a “hug n’ a bowl”! . .

Like a car in a parking space. Each and Every day I feel I need to "validate my parking" in this life. If I can "validate my parking " by helping someone, anyone, in some smallest of ways... ... Then I don't feel a need to "vacate this parking spot" that night when I look at the ceiling and feel despair. Because I made some tiny difference that "validated my parking space." For that single day, Only. ...- for just One More Day... .

! Men as protectors? Who men protecting woman from? Exactly? Because IF your Only answer is ‘other men’ ! And IF you cannot see how batshit insane that problem is... How deeply flawed that logic is? How crazy that sounds? ? ...THEN I am Not smart enough to explain it to you. ! . A Man and a Woman hug each other lovingly. . Her: “I feel so safe in your arms” . Him “You should not need my arms to feel safe” “You whole world should feel safe anyway” . Her: <pushing away and punching his arm playfully> “Shut up!” “I’m trying to be nice here” . <There is a pause as she returns to hugging him.> . Her: “Well then” She whispers… “How do you feel in my arms?” . Him: “Like a real person” “Validated” “Whole again” “You Feel like home” “A Home I never knew I was homesick for” . Her: “You should not need my arms to feel that way” “You should feel real, valid and human anyway” . <They hug each other tighter> . Him: <silently thinking> ‘ i wish i could believe that ’ . . She h...

. “Holding out for a hero” by Bonnie Tyler Changed to “I need a Yenta” By Ross E F Lombardi as a spoof. (I’d love some singer out there to do this spoof version) . [Intro] Do-do, do-do Do-do, do-do Do-do, do-do Ah, ah . [Verse 1] Where have all the good Yenta’s gone and where are all the hope? Where's the streetwise Matchmakers to fight the risin' odds? Isn't there a love queen upon a fiery steed? Late at night, I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need . [Chorus] I need a Yenta I'm holding out for a Yenta to make things right She's gotta be smart and she's gotta be wise Because dating apps are Shite I need a Yenta (yenta) I'm holding out for a Yenta to make things right (yenta to make things right) She's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon And she's gotta be larger than life, larger than life . [Post-Chorus] Do-do, do-do Do-do, do-do Do-do, do-do Ah, ah . [Verse 2] Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy Somewhere just beyond my reach...