GEEK ATTACK! Kinetic into thermal energy to cook food. (An immature response question to the brilliant minded Parker Ormonde)

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GEEK ATTACK! 

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Kinetic into thermal energy to cook food. 

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(An immature response question to the brilliant minded Parker Ormonde)

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Dear Parker Ormonde.
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If it takes 23 K of slaps to cook a chicken how many spanks would it take to cook other food? 
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Assuming not just only size but also flesh density is taken into consideration. 

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What about cooking other animals such as beef, pork or any of the Hominoidea?
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What if I wanted to eat a Capuchin?
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How many times would my wife have to spank a Capuchin to cook it for me?
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How many spanks of the monkey do I need?
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