I just worked something out... No! THIS IS WRONG!

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I just worked something out...
...People are thinking that I get self-destructive thoughts because of personal pain, loneliness, and defeat.
THIS IS WRONG!
I can take the hits, all day, every day and thrive on the fight!
!
No!
What makes me suicidal is the pain the rest of the world goes through and my feeling overwhelmed and unable to make any difference or help all those countless others that need it.
THAT IS WHAT GETS ME!
!

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!
How did I finally realize this…?
Got banned from a group…
The details don’t matter, it’s a long-convoluted story that makes less and less sense to me each day.
And because it was a main social group, I spent a lot of time with,
Friends and Family etc. were always asking.
“Are you ok! Blah blah blah.”
“You should give in! Blah blah blah.”
“How are you managing?! Blah blah blah.”
And there is me thinking…
“Do these well-meaning people even know me?”
“I rebelled against something – that just makes it a below-average Tuesday!”
Just now, 11 pm, On my 51st birthday! It Hit Me!
“They actually thought it was this sort of crap,”
“Or crap like my divorce,”
“That causes the dangerous depressions!”
“And not EVERYTHING ELSE that ACTUALLY MATTERS in this terrible world!”
“What the Actual FUCK!?”
When I think of all that time wasted on all those various and expensive publicly funded NHS therapists!
Because of that ONE stupid assumption!
“Why the hell…?”
“Based on ALL the crap in this world?”.
“Would I get THAT unhappy about just mere me!?”
Who, the hall thinks like THAT?!
???
!!!
I almost feel embarrassed for you all!
MIGHTY CRINGES GALLOR FOR ALL, ALL ROUND!!
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