I can NEVER be a good person.

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I want to be a good person.
I wish I were a good person.
But I cannot be a good person.
How can I still be a good person when I want to harm those who harm others?
How can I ever be a good person when the idea of harming those who victimize others makes me smile and drool a little.
How can I be a good person, no matter how hard I long to be...
...If I am, exactly, the same sort of rage-forged toxic dagger as those evil people...
...But just with the blade turned toward the other direction...
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Any mere animal thug with a bat can bring vengeance...
... But only a good person can bring healing and redemption.
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I wish I were a good person.
But no one can be this angry all the time and honestly ever call themselves a good person.
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And this fact upsets me.

.

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Letting yourself give in to violence
It is just like a kind of immature emotional masturbation.
It makes you feel good for a short while
Sad for a much longer while.
It is addictive.
Makes a sticky mess everywhere.
You find You always WANT to do more...
...But that You must NEED to do far less!
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You may feel like a "hero"
But all that anyone else ever sees is a TOTAL DELUSIONAL WANKER!
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