I AM CONFUSED. IF YOU DON’T NEED ANYONE? THEN WHY ARE YOU ON A DATING SITE?

I AM CONFUSED.

IF YOU DON’T NEED ANYONE?

THEN WHY ARE YOU ON A DATING SITE?

As part of my efforts to date in my fifties…

I am often putting a lot of futile effort into conversations with prospective partners that end up going nowhere.

I fully admit that I have not got much of anything to offer anyone,

No assets, No money, and No future, and my social skills and natural in-person charm level are not just below average but well below zero!

All I have is honesty, trust, and love to give.

It is not much, but that is all that this package has.

I keep finding myself investing futile time and effort with women, (because Mother Nature randomly made me straight,) – who are vehemently, and adamantly saying things, such as.

“I don’t need a man; I don’t need anyone”.

“I don’t want to be in a ‘co-dependent’ relationship”.

Or even

“I refuse to be owned,”

“I am not romantic,”

“I don’t believe in love.”

Which on the surface seems like a banner of strength and independence in a dangerous misogynistic world.

– And I get it. Men Are largely crap.

I have seen enough tears in the eyes of women I have known both socially and within my family to know that.

I have seen enough domestic violence and psychological scars to fully understand how crap men Are!

But let us put aside the “gender” issues for the moment.

Because, whether a lesbian couple, gay couple, straight couple or some other combination of two or more people in a romantic situation – needing each other makes all the difference!

Because needing each other, depending on each other, and being in love with each other, is what romantic relationships ARE!

If you don’t need each other on some deep emotional level – then you are just, (at best) “friends with benefits”, or “fuck buddies”.

I need to be needed.

I need to need them!

I love to love!

I love to be loved!

I want to own someone,

In the exact and same equal way,

I want to be owned by someone else.

IF IT IS NOT LOVE? - THEN WHY BOTHER?

I would spend time with a girlfriend because I felt a need to be close to her! (a need that was more than just sex).

I am faithful because I feel owned by my girlfriend! - I belong to her! – I WANT to be owned by her!

We would both be co-dependent because being able to depend on one another, is part of being in a committed relationship.

Ultimately (because I have a high drive) I would want to have sex with her all the time well into our old age, because all the above, creates an erotic connection based on history and an emotional connection that transcends mere physical looks.

But that need for sex is NOT because I am a “man”, but because I am in love with my partner!

That NEED is Only for her! – And Her alone!

I want to be close and sexual with them all the time because I love them!

AND I WANT THEM TO FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME!

She should spend time with me because she felt a need to be close to me! (a need that was more than just sex).

She would be faithful because she feels owned by me! - She belongs to me! – She WANTS to be owned by ME! (This sentence quoted out of context, removed from the rest of this article sounds as dodgy as all hell! LOL!)

AGAIN, We would both be co-dependent because being able to depend on one another, is part of being in a committed relationship.

She would want to have sex with me well into our old age, because all the above, creates an erotic connection based on history and an emotional connection that transcends mere physical looks.

Her need for Love is NOT because she is a “Woman”!

She would want to be close and sexual with me because she loves me!

She would not be using sex, that sacred feeling of love, bonding and closeness as a shitty ‘bargaining tool’, weapon, ‘act of spite’, ‘manipulation tool’ or punishment to “Teach him a lesson” or “Keep him in line”, as if I was some naughty dog that needed training.

Because that denigrates and despoils the value of our intimacy and turns it into a chess piece!

It kills the romance and the love.

It turns our “lovemaking” into “just shagging”.

When all I have in this world to give is only honesty, trust, and love.

But I am told that those merger offerings are not “needed”. – then I know that I am wasting my time with that woman.

I do not want just companionship! – (that’s the downgrade my ex-wife wanted!)

I do not want to be just sharing bills and chores and a bed with a friend!

I want poetry and romance and love.

I want to feel crazy stupid love again!

The sort that creates a constant sexual desire for each other, that makes us both look at the wrinkles and fat and sagginess and still think that we are each the sexiest person in the world to us both!

In short

I want to feel the same way - that I once felt for my ex-wife.

The person I once always desired because I loved her – no matter how the years passed and changed us both.

(Unfortunately, she did not feel the same.)

(One of my worst memories was her saying to me one day “We don’t need to be in love, to be together, We can just be companions”… …This was just one of the very many times she broke my heart.)

To be clear,

I am NOT criticising anyone’s personal worldview!

If you don’t want to be “owned”, “needed”, “depended on”, “to depend on anyone”, “need anyone”, “love”, or even “sex”.

Then <shrug> Good for you.

Do that!

Live your life!

Be “You” just as hard as You can to its fullest extent!

I’m rooting for and defending your choices Vs anyone who would say otherwise!

But remember that your worldview is not the only one.

Your personal philosophy is not the only one.

Everyone is entitled to who they are! (within the limits of not harming others) – This is a hill I am fully prepared to literally die on! – To literally give my life for! – To even kill for! (as a last ‘defending others’ resort.)

So, I am just as equally entitled to be a needy romantic who wants to be in love again.

As you are to be independent needs no one, go it alone, warrior.

You are Not wrong!

BUT…

…Neither am I!

Don’t engage me on a dating site, find out what I want in life, - and then dare try to preach to me, - that I am wrong for wanting that.

I would never be so arrogant as to say that to you!

We may both want different things, but both of those things are valid!

My only negative comment might be this…

“IF YOU DON’T NEED ANYONE? “

“THEN WHY, THE HELL, ARE YOU ON A DATING SITE?!”

“FFS!!”