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In case anyone was wondering why I am not leaving the flat as much, lately.

.
In case anyone was wondering why I am not leaving the flat as much, lately.
I don't get embarrassed the way others do and I feel I have nothing to lose, so I'll just be brutally honest - However bad it looks.
You might feel my reasons are silly or immature,
but they are real to me.
.
Basically
For me, Trying for for any success, just for myself is not enough
If I am not part of a couple, then I think "Why bother."
I have been single (after 30 years marriage) for 18 months or more now.
After this long, I am starting to give up.
And the more I give up on being loved
The less I want to leave the flat
.
I find social situations too far stressful - for so little chance of meeting anyone 'special', ever.
.
Most people think this is a silly outlook.
And whether that is true or not - it is who I am.
.
I am not meant or built for "single life"
It does not make me feel "free"
It just makes me feel like an incomplete half a person.


After I have done a load of concert stuff in July...
(As I have already spent the money on all the tickets - and I don't want to waste that much money.)
...I am seriously considering a far more reclusive life.
Rather than flogging a dead horse.
.
And that's why it is getting harder to leave the flat.
And before anyone judges me too harshly
You and I - We are totally different people!
I don't need any trite paperback "Love yourself advice" because what works for you does not apply to me.
.
And remember -
Trying hurts!
Hope hurts!
And it is now all starting to hurt to much.
So I now want to quit trying and quit hoping anymore.
And just stay home instead.
.
Ranted At You By

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