Going Out.

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Going Out

By Ross e f Lombardi .

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I am going to an art gallery thing this afternoon,
But I do not want to.
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I am going to a karaoke thing in Middlesbrough Town tonight,
But I do not want to.
.
I will talk to people tonight
But I do not want to.
.
What I want to do is...
Hide,
Hide in bed and pretend the world does not exist.
Hide in the blankets - and in sadness - and in myself.
But I will not!
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I will make myself eat,
Make myself shower,
Make myself shave,
Make myself go out,
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I do not want to try and be charming.
But I will.
.
I do not want to try and be friendly.
But I will.
.
I do not want to try and 'flirt' and 'put myself out there'
But I will.
.
I will force myself to live and get a life,
Whether I want to or not.
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No one is going to give me a "new life"
There is no "new life" Fairy godmother, that just hands "new lives" out.
I have to go out and make a "new life" from scratch.
Or it simply will not happen.
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So, despite what I want to do
I am going to kick myself out of the door
And try.
However futile
Try anyway.
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There is more than one way of 'being a fighter'
Fighting is not always with your fists and feet.
Sometimes your opponent is 'YOU'
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Because,
Hiding - is easy,
Not trying - is easy,
Indulging myself - is easy,
Dying is easy,
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Getting a life - Is hard!
Finding a place in the world - Is hard!
Living Is hard.
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