A Lack of Reason

A Lack of Reason.

By Ross E F Lombardi.

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I lack Reason,

I lack Any Reason

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So,

Here is some advice,

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Never expect Reasonable behaviour-

-From an unreasonable person!

...And ...

I warn you all now ...!

I am Not a reasonable person!

I suffer from a lack of Reason.

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Reason?

I have none!

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No Reason to have a shower.

No Reason to wash the dishes.

No Reason to brush my teeth.

No Reason to change my sheets.

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If - My only Reason is my self-respect?

If - My only Reason is for myself?

If - My only Reason is for me?

Then I have nothing!

No Reason at all!

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Like a reverse Ad for 'Loreal' parody, ....

... "Not a chance-In-hell...!"

"...Because I am Not worth it...!"

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I suffer from a lack of Reason.

Because my Reason dumped my like trash,

So, I must be Trash!

Because she was never wrong.

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My Reason treated Me like garbage.

So, I must be Garbage!

Because she was always right.

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I must be waste.

I am a disposable man.

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The Reason to like and love myself is gone,

And As,

For so long,

For over 30 years of a 50-year-old life,

My value was only ever reflected in the mirror of her eyes.

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I could only love myself,

 - As much as she loved me.

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I could only like myself,

- As much as she liked me.

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I could only care for myself and how I looked,

- As much as she cared about me.

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When she didn't care,

- I stopped caring about me, too!

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When she did not like me,

- I hated myself.

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When she cut off her love,

When she went cold.

- I cut myself off,

And could never want anyone else.

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When I read the divorce 'decree absolute'

I cried,

I Fell to bits,

For bits of days

And I am still free falling, in terror.

With no one to catch me.

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I suffer from a lack of Reason,

I now have no reason.

- No good Reason's at all.

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- Only Bad Reason's remain.

Only Spite, Petty Cruelty and Hate,

Just Insanity, Sadness And Madness.

...And a hope to be murdered,

To ruin some violent moron’s life.

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If some idiot is prepared to kill and get convicted,

Then I am prepared to die,

 - To get them thrown in prison.

Double points if they are a young Man in love with a baby on the way ...

...So, they lose their love, Their youth and miss seeing their kid grow up,

... But anyone else will also do.

...Anyone at all... ...As long as they could have been happy instead,

Because being a murdered man out of spite, Is my only value now.

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I suffer from a lack of Reason.

No Reason to back down.

No Reason to fight back.

No Reason to live,

No Reason to get hospital treatment.

No Reason to survive.

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No Reason at all.

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A bedtime prayer after a beating...

"...And if I should die before I wake?"

"Then Good!"

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"But, Keep that bitch-ex away from my funeral,"

"... For Final Fucks Sake!"

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#poetry

#performancepoetry

#heartbreak

#mentalillness

#Selfworth

#darkpoetry