. It is not wise or safe to show MYSELF too much kindness. . I have done And are capable of some terrible things. Illegal, sadistic, brutal, evil things... I keep to a strict set of personal rules for a good reason, for the sake of others. I am far less than fully human,  I am a mere gross thing with a mask.  So, I deserve the occasional mental kicking. To keep my inner monster in line and keep other people safe. So, in my singular case, do not criticize the harsh often cruel discipline I enforce on myself. I can put my inner self in a box and scream - while my outer self coldly and methodically dismantles another helpless fellow human being, (even someone I personally know) - When I I feel the need to. (A real and valid person should be unable to do that.) It is not wise or safe to show the creature crawling at the back of my skull too much kindness. . .