DEBTS

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DEBTS
By
Ross Lombardi AKA Rat Lombot
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I am in deep, deep debt.
Every night the debt collectors call me
They scream and shout
“You owe Us”
“Only a loser does not pay their debts!”
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I did not defend my mother
I did not get upset when she was attacked
I only cried when one of my own toys was broken
I was less than 2 years old
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Every night the debt collectors call me
They scream and shout
“You owe Us Your love”
“Only a heartless monster does not pay their debts!”
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I did not stand by my friend Stephen
I decided to hate him when he realized, he was gay.
I was a grotesque homophobe for no reason
I was 11 years old.
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Every night the debt collectors call me
They scream and shout
“You owe Us Your empathy”
“Only a rat bastard traitor does not pay their debts!”
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I was out on the town, full of piss and wind, in a strange city
I drank with a random cool bloke called Ricky
But I just stood there and let a racist prick beat him bloody.
I was 19 years old.
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Every night the debt collectors call me
They scream and shout
“You owe Us Your courage”
“Only a coward does not pay their debts!”
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An estranged family meal celebrating a new nurse
The guest of honour had her hand squeezed until in tears at her own party
No one spoke out against her dirtbag boyfriend
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Every night the debt collectors call me
They scream and shout
“You owe Us Your integrity”
“Only a total and utter loser does not pay their debts!”
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I am in deep, deep debt.
This is only a very small part of a huge list,
And until every tear, bead of sweat, drop of blood, and inch of skin,
Is paid back with interest in kind,
My equity, My value, My worth is less than nothing.
Until I am every worthy of otherwise
I am disposable to “what is right”
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Every night the debt collectors call me from the darkness
They scream and shout from within my ruined soul,
“You owe us”
“Only the worthless do not pay their debts!”
“Pay up, or be lost to the void eternal”
“You, tiny speck of rancid shit!”
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Every night the debt collectors call me
They scream.
Sometimes these screams can last for days.

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So, my head observes, an internal scream.

Has larger scream that in them also howl;

And these have even larger still inside them to cry "No!"

And so, proceed as "Esse intus aeternum in inferno"

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