. Personal Smelly Bog Log : 5th Jan 2024 . I became a bit reclusive after the Southfield Pub Middlesbrough told me to leave. This happened before Christmas when I was hoping to do some spoken word stuff at an open mic night. Apparently, Some female member of staff (no idea who) said I "made them uncomfortable" at the last place she worked. That deeply upset me because it paints me as someone I am not. That is Not the sort of person I am. - So, it is either a case of mistaken identity or an act of spite. . So that made me spiral and lose social confidence. . It is pretty much the worst thing/insult you can say to me. . The worst part is that I spent a good few days filled with self-doubt - because that type of person needs to be "executed" and not tolerated to exist. . I find "proportional responses" to men like that, a struggle to maintain. And I am harder on myself than anyone else. So, If “I” = “Being like that”. The math result is not hard. In short, T...

. https://vocal.media/authors/ross-e-fortune-lombardi . #@vocal_creators .

. THE 2024 NEW YEAR REVOLUTION OF ROSS E F LOMBARDI! : The subjugation of the entire human race to my ruthless mighty will, Turning the world into a cesspit of my most debased and vile desires. Where each petty mere human life becomes my plaything to do with what I please on a gleeful whim! . Oops! I am reading a random House Cat's New Year's resolution by mistake. . Here's mine. Somehow get my first initial genuine romantic-based conversation-only coffee date with a woman I am attracted to, who also likes me. (even if it does not lead to a second date) .

 

! DEAR, ALL DIME STORE GURUS! STOP TELLING PEOPLE WHO THEY SHOULD BE! STOP TELLING PEOPLE WHY THEY ARE WRONG FOR BEING THEMSELVES! STOP SAYING THAT THEY "SHOULD ASPIRE TO BE LIKE YOU!" STOP DRESSING UP YOUR TRITE INANE CRAP AS "WISDOM" - "JUST TRYING TO HELP" AND AS "GUIDANCE". WHEN IT IS SO OBVIOUS THAT ALL YOU ARE REALLY DOING INSTEAD IS "BEING A SLAVE TO YOUR OWN EGO" - "JUDGEMENTAL" AND/OR "TRYING TO USE THE OTHERS UNHAPPINESS AS A SALES OPPORTUNITY" IF YOU WERE SO GREAT!? THEN WHY DO YOU NEED TO CONSTANTLY POINT IT OUT AND BOTHER OTHER PEOPLE? IN SHORT DIME STORE GURRU! TAKE YOUR EGO AND OPTIONS ABOUT TOTAL STRANGERS AND - FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT! ! !

. I Hate being single. I loathe being single. I want to belong to someone. Being single makes me feel incomplete. Being single makes me feel like I am only half a person. It makes me feel like an “Invalid Human Being”. I DO NOT just want “companionship”. I DO NOT just want lust and/or a one-night stand. I WANT to be in love. And to be loved. I want to feel giddy. I want to feel! I want to be foolish. I need to “be”, Again! I want the ecstatic madness of it all. I want to smile whenever I think of “Her”. I want us not to be able to keep our hands off each other, - - but ONLY because the romance and dedication to each other are both there! I will NOT compromise these wishes for convenience or comfort. It has to be Real or Nothing! IT MUST BE LOVE! OR I Insist on staying forever lonely and unhappy instead. . . . Full disclosure – this is written by. an unattractive heterosexual 50-year-old broke bloke in 2023. . . PS . . Dear, all those who love being single, (I am hearing this a lot lat...

        “Jar Of Jam” By Ross E F Lombardi . A jar of strawberry jam is still jam. No matter what fake label they slap on. They can label it as mustard. They can label it as custard. But it will never be that fake label they stick on. . They can claim it contains the sun. They can say it contains the moon. They can insist it contains all of bitter winter. They can preach it contains all of lovely June. . They can say that I am good. But just as a jar of jam. They can say both me and the jam are both evil, They would still all be wrong. They cannot tell me who I am! . They can call a jar of jam a bike. They can all call a jar of jam a car. They can call a jar of jam whatever they like. But no one can define who you are. . Anyone can call themselves a “Street Hero!” Everyone else can call Anyone a “Jam jar full of poo!” . People can all lie, - All they want. But who you really are? Really? Are all...

. Apart for two brief hours or less when the kids pop by in the morning This will be my second ever Christmas alone In some ways, it will be worse than my first-ever Christmas alone, last year. Because, unlike last year. This year, This time, I KNOW how much THIS will totally suck! And THIS crap IS My life now (or what is left of it!) . I better start learning how to suck it up and not complain about loneliness, like some wuss crybaby! As the kids grow and get their own lives, (as they should) It is only going to get steadily worse from here! So, I better start growing some much bigger emotional muscles and balls! Toughen up a lot more to carry this shit weight! Because! THIS Crap, As Sure a lukewarm hell, isn't gonna get any Dam lighter! !

! I believe in religious freedoms. And I do hate god (small 'g' on purpose) But on a purely personal level, I hate satan (small 's' on purpose) just as much as I hate god. Why swap one master for another? - My personal philosophy is to be good to spite satan. But refuse the bribe of heaven to spite god! In the war between heaven and hell I choose humankind over both of them! To their worshipers of both god and satan on both sides I say "I disagree with you" "But I will defend your rights, to follow your beliefs" "At any and all cost" (Within the limits of not allowing you to persecute others) While to both god and satan themselves I say "Bring it on Bitches!" Just because a fight is totally futile That does not mean you should not fight it anyway! ! And FYI Before the late 1940's The original incarnation of what is now in modern times calls itself "The Satanic Temple" DID WORSHIP SATAN (But did not worship evil, per...

  . My Honest Advice? By Ross E F Lombardi . It is just like life - For Sunbathing to be so fun Lazing by the lapping sea. But Sunbathing in a desert Too Far From any water Waiting to roast to a crisp. Is not where anyone wants to be! . Just like Sunbathing . Drinking can be fun. Dancing all whole night through! But drinking until you puke? Puking out your own anus?! Wishing to never drink again! Is not what anyone should do! . Just like Sunbathing Just like Drinking . Relaxing can be fun. Just breathing, sighing, and chill But relaxing without meaning. A life with no purpose Unable to get off your arse  - and do anything? What are You with No will? . Just like Sunbathing Just like Drinking Just like Relaxing . Working can be fun. The energy of purpose. Both the Challenges And the Colleagues – That Can sometimes thrill. But becoming mere boot-licking thrall? Just another whiny, owned, little Boss’s b...

! Back when I was married, My then-wife had a large unsightly growth. She ignored it at first. But eventually, it started to bother her more and more! . So, Being a mature adult, She did the only sensible thing she could, And went to a highly-trained professional, To get that gross lump of useless cartilage and fat removed from her! . . UNFORTUNATELY! . . . ...The professional help was a lawyer . ...And . . . . ...The large unsightly growth... , ...Was ME! .

. WHENEVER I HEAR OF A TALENTED ARTIST SELLING A LOVELY PIECE! . I AM happy for the artist - Getting sales is hard! Well done them! . - But sometimes - I must admit (selfishly) that when things are bad for me sales-wise - such news, (for other artist), can, - For me, on occasion, - Make me want to take a very short walk on a long very busy train track... ...sometimes. . And due to health issues (Me being stuck as a socially dysfunctional total weird'O over-emotional nut job.) A normal job, for me, is not a realistic option. Its either this Or quit and just claim benefits, waiting for eventual entropy to take its course. . It can feel so soul-destroying . There is no slack on the rope left on either end! I have nothing left to give. . I can simply not work any harder Or sell any cheaper Than I already am. . . .

! I am not fucking ANY Woman until a third date! - (And I am not snogging anyone until a second successful date!) ! - <I already tried being promiscuous before I was married, and it made me feel like shit! - A huge case of - Been there! - Done that! - Not going back to that crap again!> . And I do not give two farts about how "un-man like" or how "un-masculine" that might make me! I want to be in love again! Nuff said! . . PS And guess what? Men are allowed to say "no" as well! It does not mean that you are not pretty, It is not about how you look Or about who you are. . It is about ME ! It is about who I choose to be! !

. - god is just as evil as lucifer and satan (they are separate parts of the triumvirate - their version of the trinity.) - god (disrespectful small 'g' on purpose), is a tyrant that bribes with heaven and threatens with hell. If you are being 'good' because of fear of punishment or for the greed of a paradise, then you are being 'good' for all the wrong reasons. Being 'good' Should be its own reason alone! Wanting to do 'what is right' should be an unquenchable fire in the blood, a need in your core self, a compulsion to do, all the time, at any and all cost. Wanting to do 'what is right' should be more important to you than your own safety and happiness. I refuse to be a slave to the deity that smote two cities. I refuse to be a slave to the deity that killed all the firstborns of a civilization. I refuse to be a slave to the evil deity that impregnates a young, engaged woman without any prior consent. . If being good is 'what you...

 

! god is just as evil as satan is. ! - ALL Humans are innately crap with little balls of rancid puss where a soul should be. ! - And as the nature of all conscious life, is to feel pain and suffering, I want an end to all conscious life on every plane of existence! For that is the ONLY way to end all pain and suffering! ! If you wish to respond to any of this Then I disrespectfully refer you to the multi-purpose picture comment below. ! "Have a Bad Day!" :) ! !

. My honest opinion is this. . Life is NOT sacred. My life is Not sacred (I am disposable) No Human life to me is innately sacred (I am Not a pacifist) Problems are things to be solved. And Certain types of people such as "Nazis" (for example) are just "mere things" that are problems to be solved. If I do not innately value Human life...? ...What chance do you think there is of Me valuing any Animal life? . Things die It is what they do. Many a philosopher has come to the conclusion that "Conscious life IS pain!" Therefore, IF "Life" = "Pain" There is only one logical solution to ending all suffering in the universe. . In moments of deep mental illness I feel that I hear the screams of the world. And I want it, (one way or another) to stop. Forever... But I will never have the power to ever make that happen. But If I had a magic button to end all life... ...I would press it in less than 30 seconds of pause! . And before you judge me too...

. Flashbacks, Nightmares, and Romance  By  Ross E F Lombardi . The dinner had been lovely. The music was soft. The kissing was eager. The passionate hunger in both of them rising over. Just as the glorious sun was setting over the northern grey ocean. As her hand clawed beneath his shirt in her heated fuelled desire. STOP! She suddenly froze and felt cold. She winced and felt ill. As shame that should not be hers to carry washed icy over her. . His head tilted slightly. “Flashbacks?” He asked quietly. She nodded and melted into his arms. He shifted and angled his hips in his seat, slightly from her. “Sorry,” She whispered. He said nothing but stoked her hair and pulled her in so very gently. And she knew she was safe. The sex may have been killed for tonight. But There were no demands from him here. Only love. . The bed had been lovely. The night was soft. The mattress was comfortable. The relaxed breathing of the...

 . Date 6th November 2023 . GOOD NEWS FOR ME!  <From a certain perspective>   I have a little lump!  "Cross my heart and hope to die" . I have a 50-pence coin-sized lump that has appeared on my leg almost overnight. It is both red and sore PLUS: Sensitive gums, Fatigue, and Itchy Skin . I have every intention of doing...   ...  ...absolutely nothing about it. Screw all of that crap! No one can make me! So, "HA!" It might all go away by itself,  or it might not. I DO hope that it IS something serious! I do not put effort into extending things I do not enjoy And I do not bother with people that I do not like. I do not like myself or enjoy living  So, I am dam well not going to bother to put any extra effort into extending either of these two things! ( 1 ) My Crap Life  Or  ( 2 ) Shitty Me "Cross my heart and hope to die!" "Screw you guys," "I'm going home!" . ! To put it bluntly - I can take all the personal hits life throws - W...

. ALL THIS By Ross E F Lombardi . . To kill a silent mocking word To allow a scream to die To not allow a whisper to be heard To promote and brag the lie ... To disallow dissent to be stirred To disallow the journalist to pry To slaughter the singing pretty bird To forbid the child to cry ... No spirit may look skyward No one may stand too tall You MUST conform to the mewing herd ALL THIS to control us All .