! I DO NOT BELONG ANYWHERE! ! NEVER HAVE! ! I SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE FEELING "LOST" AND "HOMESICK" ! !

. The very people who say "people don't want to work anymore" Are creating the types of work environments that "stop people from wanting to work anymore" . The people complaining about the lack of workers complain, While writing their own self-filling prophecy. - In short - Too many "bosses" are fucking idiots! - Worker loyalty is actually surprisingly cheap. - Just, Don't be a dick! .

. Note to self: So, you "can not be loved"! ... Boo hoo!  World's smallest violin you fucking wuss. Get over it! There are people who need help out there. And no one else is as disposable as you are,  So they can not help them and do what needs to be done, the way you can! Others have things to lose! While You don't! Turn your weakness of 'disability', into a strength to help others that need it! Suck it up princess and get your head out of your own arse. Having less to lose, than others, can be used to give you the edge and the power for doing some good! Pick yourself up. Get some sleep. And get tomorrow, Get busy!

. Re:  Beacon lounge Vs "others' . Ok This will probably bite me in the arse. But I chose to exercise some due diligence and look at the otherside  To be clear... I have no way of knowing who's right, wrong, lying, half lying or truthful. Deposits, mess, number of guest ect is all just between them. My only interest was if threats were made and thugs were involved. I hate people who intimidate of threaten others. It makes me irrationality angry. So I checked And the bit I was concerned with had a different side to the story, which truth, lies or somewhere in-between should be heard out of fairness to all on both sides. So here are some quotes from the side accused of scary unpleasantness.  . "Unfortunately, when the doors were opened to the public, a young group came in to my room and began to fight and swear at one another. When I politely asked a member of staff to ask them to leave, they did and I thanked them." . "I can say, with certainty (and for anyon...

 . Letting go of a weight and having a balloon lift you up almost effortlessly and endlessly?!  -  is just plain silly! ! Letting go of a weight and having a balloon lift you up almost effortlessly and endlessly?! That Sounds like an interesting way to get yourself killed! Is the balloon string tied to your hand? If not, then what happens if your fingers get tired? How high will it take you? How will you survive the freezing temperatures and thinning atmosphere? What about aircraft? What about supplies like food and water? ! I know the above is meant to be fugitive rather than literal, But then again so are my questions upon closer inspection. - In short - Your past keeps you grounded for a reason! - It stops arrogance, selfishness, myopic thinking, and self-entitlement! - It keeps you humble and reminds you of your humanity and that in turn expands your empathy for all other fellow humans. ! While It is true that you should not let your past control or define you, To ign...

. Id never thought I'd ever feel this way But after allot of brooding I finally 'got there'. . I now Hate my ex-wife Susan Lombardi. . She is now the only woman in the entire world  That I would point blank refuse to help if I saw her being attacked and assaulted . I would not even phone for help Id just walk away smirking instead And I doubt I would feel even a single grain of remorse for my callous choice of inaction I might even giggle a tiny bit . I know this makes me "evil" But (shrug) I never claimed to be anything else .

. Sometimes I beat myself up. . I think "What are you doing Ross?" "Your 51 and divorced" "In a strange town the other side of the country" "Out dancing alone" "When any non-loser would be curled up watching box sets on a couch, with someone who loves them" "In a mortgaged home" "With thier kids playing upstairs" "What the hell is wrong with you!?" "You silly idiot tool!" . Then I remember some key facts. . I was not unfaithful I pretty much accepted the sexless marriage she enforced, even though it hurt. I was not a scary man I tried to keep things going I did not stop loving my wife I did not leave my wife I did Not make this choice! IT WAS MADE FOR ME! BY HER! . The things I DID choose. I chose to leave when she asked me to. I chose to give her the house, for the kids sake. I chose to not stay in my little rented flat and wait to die of old age. I chose the scrape up what was left of my persona...

 I desired my now ex-wife more and more with each year!  (Since I was in my early 20s I had a thing for older women of about 50 ish and eventually, my wife became one!)  Ironically.... ...- Unfortunately, it did not stop her from eventually dumping me,  After 30 years of marriage. When I put on weight because she finds fat men, like me, gross.

  Here is the Free Game Manual (feel free to use and share!) It's a Google Drive public Link to a PDF Document! https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Eqwc9z0vQItfHyiAYvgJgWoEIPPmqblW/view?usp=drive_link Enjoy!

Looking for a way to "lash out" at the world.  ...And not necessarily in a negative way... Just by trying my hardest against all odds, In a world that demands that I 'know my place', submit, stay down and give up. I keep creating, showing, applying, dancing and figuratively screaming and shouting. On behalf of us All.  We Do All exist. We Do All have a voice. We Are All valid. None of us require your patronising tact aproval, "to be". We do Not have to justify our existences to you. We will not go "gently into that good night" Or "head into the light". Despite any inconvenience it may cause those who place themselves above us! We Will keep tying!

. Reality is a simulation. Vs The Universe is a conscious living being. . Both facts Could be simultaneously true. Neither fact would be mutually exclusive. We could each be just a small, simulated part of a larger cognitive function. Needed as part of an immense single consciousness, With mere delusions of independent identity. (A delusion which is a vital part of us being a useful part of that larger cognitive function). - In other words - Metaphorically, Each of us is a mere subroutine of a larger *AI framework… ….And we each must believe we are a completely independent program, To correctly function as a required subroutine. For the overall health and well-being of the one true immense single consciousness. (*AI - Or Any mystical spiritual equivalent – “Mass mind” “Entity” “god head” “Manu” - Our silly tags and labels don’t matter anymore when you get to that sort of unfathomable scale or reference, way beyond all our mere mortal comprehension.) . . PS: Beware of "Dime store g...

 ! RE: Long-Term Clinical Depression I think it is unfair that we always judge people on the one battle they lost. And not on the hundreds of battles fought and won over the years! How many years is enough?! How many "hold on for one more day" -'s are enough?! Do not criticize what you cannot possibly understand with your chimed-in, two cents, trite, "dime store guru" bull shit! For many of us with long-term mental health issues, “death by old age” is a very unlikely scenario! Most of you, “well-meaning fair-weather friends” could not last an hour with our crap without ripping your own eyes out with your fingertips. And we have done it for decades! So, to call us cowards or weak if one of us loses one final time after decades of that kind of torture…?! Really?! FUCK OFF! With that Shit! !

. The Animus and the Yang. By Ross E F Lombardi . (a straight man) . I am a straight man who has a problem with all other straight men. I am not a bigot as such, Or maybe I am, I am not totally sure… …But there is definitely a bias against us all. We are a needed poison but never the cure. . If someone calls me a “Good Man” It feels like an oxymoron. The male energy is a slaughtering weapon, A bloody knife. Or Gun, The male energy is just yet another murdered wife. . If they call me “Good” It feels like an impossible lie! The male energy or Yang is only a hot white flame, A bright shining darkness in me that makes me sad. A burning destruction, And nothing but bad. . Every straight man here has dreamt and is dreaming even as I speak. Of harming another. -….And I as stand here reporting this, - Probably of harming me. Every straight man here not only knows what I say is true. But is eager to prove it. Because that is what we are. Harming others is what we do. . If they call me a “Man” I...

 

FAT By Ross E F Lombardi  . Some people are fat, Because they hate themselves. . Some people are thin, Because they hate themselves. . Some people take drink and drugs, Because they hate themselves. . Some people live a life of discipline and self-denial. Because they hate themselves. . Some people are cruel to others. Because they hate themselves. . Some people put up with too much of  other people's shit, Because they hate themselves. . Some people chase some form of success, Because they hate themselves, And have something to prove. . Some people give up. Because they hate themselves. And feel there is nothing more they can do. . Far too many people make excuses, Pretend and deny that they do not hate themselves. When in fact they do. . Far too many people admit the fact. And do all the usual self-destructive crap, That far too many of us do. . But good or bad. Right or wrong. Self-aware or delude...

. . SALT WALL BURNING. By Ross E F Lombardi  WIP . On this wall. This wall of Salburn, Of This town of Salburn by the Sea. . On this wall. Where the woman who once loved me, Once waited, Once waited here for me. . In this damned wall, This wall of pain. This Salty Burn by an acidic memory Sea. . My imagination haunts me. As she now holds another man, Another man in her arms. A man who is not me. . My self-flagellating cruel mind will, Rip my heart and soul. Tears a tear from eye. A constant gut-repeated punch, That will not let be. . For I know. No one now, Will ever mourn, Or ever wait again, Wait again for me  .

. JUST GO! By Ross E F Lombardi . Life will tell you, Don't dance on an empty dance floor. Really? Just watch me! . Convention demands, You need to be in a group to go clubbing. Really? Just see me! . People will say, You cannot do or say that! Really? Then try and stop me! . Angry voices threaten. If we catch you doing shit, we'll batter you. I shrug, - Giggling. Then catch me! . Those kicking my ribs scream, Stay down you silly bugger! "Nah!" I whisper in sardonic glee  "I don't wanna" . I look in the mirror, And think no one will want this. Well, Prove me wrong and fuck me! . I, tell me, - That, I cannot be loved. So, Tenderly kiss me! . DO NOT - tell me who I am, - Ask me! . In a world that says, Know your place. I say, Fuck You! . Life, People and yourself will tell you lots of things  . Dare - double dare and - triple dare! . Dare to doubt IT! . Yourself, People, and Life will claim a lot of stuff, . Know This! . Almost all of it is Bullshit. .

  https://fb.watch/q7N2KSIDvA/

. DECLARATION OF WAR! My ex once told me. “You being fat is the biggest threat to our marriage”. She was right. Being fat is why she did not want to touch me. Being fat is why she is now fucking another man. If I am fat, THEN - I cannot be loved. I must become thin to be loved. Calories and Rest are my enemy. I don’t care about being healthy, I want to be loved. I will gain control. I will not let the universe win! I WILL gain the ability to be loved, I WILL get thin, Even if I sacrifice my health to do it! . Other people can be fat. But I am not allowed to be fat. It is only ok to be fat if you are normal AND charming. I can never be normal OR charming. But I can become thin. The world will only accept me if I am thin. .