. How I survive my depression. . This might not be suitable for you... But personally, I keep myself angry. It almost does not matter about what. But I use rage as a natural antidepressant. I use anger to keep the depression at bay. . Yes, It is a sucky way to live. . It's a crap choice, Anger or depression. But it has kept me alive so far... #mentalhealth #mental illness #drepressed #depression #surviving #heartbreak

. My 2025 plan . 1 ) Close down all dateing app profiles. (Done) . 2 ) Spend a lot less time and money in cafes, clubs and bars. I still do it sometimes, but I cut it down to less than 50 per cent or less. . 3 ) Start saving money to destroy my overdraft this year (making me totally Debt-free) Then start building up savings after that. . 4 ) Reduced public creative output. Galleries, poetry performances, social media posts and vids to 50 per cent or less. . 5 ) Keep the fat weight off but now start working on improving muscle (thin style not bulky) tone. . 6 ) Learn new skills and new hobbies. (Maybe, learn to play an instrument and to perform as a singer who also plays guitar? - Or maybe do something else?) . 7 ) Find a new life direction, meaning and definition. Work out who the hell I really am and what that really means. Who IS "Ross"??? Now that I can no longer ever be someone's husband anymore?? I feel that I am a total stranger to myself. . 8 ) Keep the new friend...

How to AVOID Ever becoming a creepy stalker Dating advice for people with mental health issues: #dating #mentalhealth #stalker #creepy #rules #Love

? Is ANYONE else Completely Terrified About the 30% rise in "No-fault Evictions" As a growing number of Landlords race against time against the new tenancy rights laws being passed? (Or is it just me being paranoid and worried for no good reason?) ? ? There is a huge rise in "no-fault evictions" as landlords race against the new tenant's rights bill next year...  It's up 30% already. - And climbing. And I am sure plenty would love to see me run out of Redcar. - Just over my anti-racist stances alone!  . ( NOTE: To Be Completely clear! - I am NOT, Repeat NOT! Implying that my landlords have any such views, AT ALL, NOT even a tiny bit! - I am only saying that is why I feel much of the town, in general, does not like me. That Is All! - AND even THEN I am not mentally well much of the time, so, even THAT is probably just irrational paranoia talking... ...And only just all in my head - rather than being at all real, At all... !!) .  And just in general I have m...

  . CE n O more . A Digital Composite Image By Ross E F Lombardi . . PS  I am not claiming what is right or wrong  Good or bad  The image exists NOT because I am judging  It exists because I don't know how to feel about this  A human life was taken and that was wrong  But I also understand why  & why some people are cheering  I feel conflicted and unsure .

. RE: The REDCAR Bar Scene. . I think I am coming to realise that spending £30 a week in the normal Redcar bar scene is a waste of time, energy, and money. . There are some great people in Redcar that I am glad I have met,  But it is not really "me" . . Usually, at best, I am given a patronising pat on the head and merely tolerated - not really liked.  - And that's ok. I am not delusional. I know I am too odd, and too weird for most people. . But if I have limited resources, and IF I want to meet the right person and fall in love again, then the normal Redcar bar scene is just simply ' bad product placement' . . Looking for romance-wise, I am far better off spending the same, time energy and money going to more art events, or writing-type stoof. . I need to place the right product (me) on the right kind of shelf in the right kind of shop. . I need to be in places with people who are as weird and as odd as I am,  Instead of trying to hang with the 'cool kids...

. Subject: Stage performances. . . Friend: "I challenge you to do a little fast ditti" . ME: "That's almost impossible... " "I have to find a woman that can run quick?" "She had to be below average height" " - Sleep with her?" "- AND she has to have the weird name ' Ditti' ???" . " - That combination of causality seems really very unlikely..." "I cannot find a single lady to date called something normal like 'Lisa' or 'Susan' -" " And not that many people are athletic enough to run fast anyway!" "And the height thing?!" "Why add the height thing?!" . " - So How the hell am I going to ' Do a quick Ditti' !!" "- Plus using the term ' Do... her' Is a bit vulgar -" "I am not a one-night stand sort of bloke!" "- So, challenge N OT accepted!" . . NOTE: Me and this friend HAD recently watched the fi...

. Title: The 'X' . Size A2 A 2024 portrait of my ex-wife. Using an old A3 portrait of her form from over 30 years ago as a visual reference for this new larger-sized retelling. I have inserted myself into this one - I am the dead mutilated body she is squatting on. Can you feel the hate? . . And... Title "How it once was" . Size A3 My ex-wife when she was 18, back when we loved each other. Can you feel the love? . . I am now considering BOTH portraits as part of a joint set. Costing £45 for the two-piece set. (Physical copies only - reproduction rights negotiated separately.) . . . . Individual talents. By Ross E F Lombardi . Not everyone is meant for everything. For instance, . I will never be good at football, But... I am OK at drawing, Everyone has their own thing, . Not everyone is talented at everything, For example, . I will never have a nak at DIY, mechanics or carpentry, But... I can write a poem, story, or verse. Everyone has their own thing, . Not everyone i...

Got an update from the cps.  They are discussing whether to press charges or not.  But it is strongly hinted that my attacker may only get an "adult caution".  . They have full CCTV footage of me, Unarmed, not attacking back or retaliating while the beats me around the head and the kidneys with a metal weapon in two separate flurries of attacks.  . If it does not go to court, then people will wrongly assume that his warped version of events is totally true, They will wrongly assume that he is sone sort of "anti hero" to be looked up to that I tried to victimise somehow. If it does not go to court he will paint himself as some kind of victim and me as the villain. - ...and people will believe the charming, attractive, successful DJ guy, not the ugly socialy awkward skint one, on benefits, suffeing from regular suicidal depression bouts. . If it does not go to court. If the whole story is not put on public record and left to only rumour and hearsay? Then what is the p...

.  WHATS THE FRIG’N BIG DEAL!   I have had a crap load of silly fuss. Including one physical attack over a spoof comedy video. Because I am showing a bit O’ skin! A) The amount of skin is NOT really any more than you would see at a swimming pool…   B) Prince, 1988 Lovesexy album (among other male artist) have shown just as much skin in posters and album cover that have been openly shown in family shopping centres all over the world.   C) My parody video is an attempt at comedy, And is clearly hash tagged #Poetry #Comedy #Humour #Cringe #sexisim #tits  I DO NOT see myself as “Sexy” This is NOT some misplaced attempt to seduce anyone. I see myself and a silly flabby ugly bloke who accepts that he looks like human walking garbage pile, and who is shrugging his shoulders and just leaning into it for comic effect. You are supposed to LAUGH at my body, not be offended by it!   I do not understand you “normal people”, you ...

The quality of streaming and online entertainment is so high and so reasonably priced for all nowadays! Some of the best stuff is even FREE! For only example, Only yesterday I watched a documentary about the fall of the Roman Empire, And how they used cheap mass entertainment to distract the masses from the real problems that the authorities could not solve! What a brilliant documentary! It really took my mind off the problems of this modern world for a while! Truly we are living in a golden age of entertainment!

. THIS DESCRIBES ME! . “...what real courage is ... It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.” . Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird" (1960) .

. WHY MEN ARE STUPID: AN EXAMPLE: . I do not think certain activities are a good idea for a person in badly damaged condition: The pain would NOT be worth it! A smart person would just use common sense, and work on healing. . Been there and done that! - Shortly after a beating I took in my early 20s, A pretty lass visited me to 'comfort me' ! It was NOT worth the pain: Instant regret as all the feel-good stuff packed up and pissed off and the torture flooded in to replace it! - I instantly swore NEVER AGAIN!... ... ... Then proceeded to make the same mistake another 4 times that night and each time said "Never again" afterwards! . - Seriously! There are mice in electrified test Mazes that are less stupid and who learn quicker than a man is or does! . ONLY A MAN WOULD BE THAT STUPID! A woman would never be that kind of special idiot! .

. I keep mentality preparing myself for isolation and to accept people's rejection of me - So I can always quietly walk away with calm dignity, without undue fuss. I keep expecting the social guillotine in every social circle I enter. I see it as an eventual inevitability. - So, I can never really relax. Not really. If I relax - even for a moment - Then, That is when it will happen! - Being braced and prepared for it all the time - protects me. It lessens the pain of the inevitable expulsion that WILL Always eventually happen! . I will always, and forever be 'homesick'. I will never get to feel that I have 'finally come home' . . . Saying with a shrug,  "It is - what it is",  Is a bit more polite and socially acceptable than screaming in pain. .

. Its own punishment. By Ross e F Lombardi. . Stay distracted. With the danger and the rage. And by my pit of fear I don't mind being so disposable. . I feel no dread of danger. It only feels dreadful When I remember What I am . Keep distracted By treats and trinkets From being such a worthless man. I can live with being so expendable. . It's not painful to pay the bills. It's only Painful When I remember Where I am. . Be distracted With a book and reading. From being this total loser. I can live with the mad crazy thoughts. . It doesn't hurt me when I read. It only hurts, When I remember Who I am. .

. MY feelings about g0D . He is both a 'brutal son of a bitch' and a 'feckless thug' and has a sick sense of humour. I do believe god. I have dared judge god and found him GUILTY! I do hate god. He is just as evil as sAtan - but with a better PR department! .

. Men ARE crap! It is true... ...We are all very shit!  - I am so glad that my son is straight and that my daughter is a lesbian!  - As it vastly reduces the chance of either of them becoming a victim of domestic violence! . If the world population of women outnumbered men by 10 times or more. We would have world peace. Us men are crap! . I spent most days trying to remind myself how ridiculous it is for me to hate men, - when I am one. It's hard to explain how experiencing straight men be monsters to women from an early age can make you hate yourself as a straight man. Part of me will always be that terrified toddler who could not understand. It means as you grow and mature into a straight man yourself, You constantly terrify yourself with your own natural healthy and normal feelings. As all you can see instead are the monsters from your nightmares. . Short version. A child seeing bad shit will fuck them up for life. .

. People like horror to help escape their hum-drum lives. . Well, worldwide, if Project 2025 becomes a real thing in the USA, we will all get all the horror, far more horror than we want, to escape our hum-drum lives than we can possibly imagine. . Escaping our hum-drum lives will no longer be a problem - as KEEPING our hum-drum lives will become a far more pressing issue! . .

 . I ADMIT IT!  I DO FIND THE SITE OF TWO MEN KISSING GROSS!  BUT! I am WRONG for feeling that way! The Only problem is ME! - Not them!  No 'ifs', No 'But's', NO EXCUSES! - it IS MY problem - NOT theirs! . I AM working on being better than that! And I WILL get there in the end!  . My current main inspiration? (among many)  The TV Series 'Modern Family' and the character 'Jay Pritchett' played by Ed O'Neill . It would be nice to say a load of lies and pretend so I can fit in. Or make up bullshit "Excuses" using my age, background or upbringing.  But I feel doing that lacks courage.  And is disrespectful to all rights activists who have sacrificed so much to get us to where we are now. So, I will openly admit this gross personal character flaw - and Work on it - and hopefully, my honesty will help others do the same. . I owe this to those I harmed and vilified as the gross homophones that I was in my late teens. I have a karmic debt to ...

. The difference between "Excuses" and "Reasons" . "Excuses" are used to harm others. . "Reasons" are why people should not harm others. . There is always a reason to not harm someone AND There will always be an excuse to harm someone . . If you RE ALLY  want to be a rebel Then refuse to pick up a sword The kings HATE THAT shit! .